Saturday, February 16, 2008

Watch and Discuss What?!

Flavor of Love 3
Channel: VH1

Well, as most of you know, I have ranted about Reality TV before. I dished on Tila Tequila, I slammed her disgusting show, so I don't think I need to revisit that realm again. However, this I guess could be an unofficial part 2 of my rant, only this time it is a formal review.

Before I review the complete and utter tripe I just witnessed, let me just say, What the Hell VH1? How could you do this to me. I will admit that your lists on random and unimportant things in pop culture, I fall under your spell of love for the 90's and the like. They are able to make sick days/bored days go by. Which, though at times it is kind of sad to think about, I still manage to find a shred of entertainment in lists and shows like that have random people get high off of nostalgia. And watching Hal Sparks make out with Rainbow Brite is disturbingly funny. But this, now this I will not stand for.

For some reason, the slogan for VH1 has become Watch and Discuss, but as I sat and watched as Flavor Flav embarked on another journey through career suicide and searched for love among 20 or so girls, taking them on dates, having them do challenges and swap herpes, being the witness to such disturbing charades was too much. They fought, swore and stripped their clothes off while we the viewer are subject to this bizarre form of Clockwork Orange like punishment. No, screw that, Guantanamo style punishment. Hell, even Marathon Man!(Well, I'm still alive, and Lawrence Olivier is dead so...) So what does Watch and Discuss really mean? Does it mean we have to blog about how pissed off we are? Is that the form of discussion we have to get into? Watch and Discuss makes VH1 look like CNN, like there is something important and life threatening to talk about. So if we talk about the fact that the Devinyls touch themselves while thinking about someone or that Sophie B. Hawkins wishes she was our lover, I guess we are doing VH1 a favor.(But in all honestly, I love you Sophie B. Hawkins!)

So VH1, here I am, shaking my fist at you. Since I ranted about Tila Tequila, a lot of things have happened. The strike ended, so now I will be able to gaze longingly at my Pushing Daisies cast again. Also, Flavor of Love 3 started up. And finally, what you've all been waiting for: My review.

If it weren't for the library carrying a DVD that just so happened to be scratched up. If the DVD weren't scuffed up, I would be watching The Shawshank Redemption(Like I planned to do) and finally seeing the movie that I have heard much praise about. But, since that happened, and VH1 just so happened to be on, and I was looking for a thing to review/rant about, this had to do. But let me say, after watching this, I think that Flavor Flav should be locked up in Shawshank and never be let out. Ever.

Watching Flavor of Love 3 was to say the least, a depressing experience. I had to sit through an hour of these girls flaunt what their mother(Or more like Plastic Surgeon) gave them. These girls were not only hoochie mamas, they were also crazy women who did not seem to speak proper English. (This season of Flavor of Love 3, join Flav and visit the most romantical places on earth!) The girls this season were annoying, and my hope is that one of them is just like the woman who made Flavor of Love 1 and 2, the queen B-yoch New York. And watching this season of bratty, catty and altogether batty divas, I found hope and a possibility that one girl would be the battiest of them all and be able to honor Miss. Tiffany's name.

Another thing that really annoyed me was the fact that two of the girls were on the plump side, and because they weren't twigs, ominous music was cued for their entrances, Flav acted like a complete asshole and just gawked like they were in cages and he had paid a nickel. Not only were the fat women put to shame, but so were the other women. The only thing Flav noticed on these girls were their enormous amounts of T&A, which seemed to be larger than their heads. No surprise there, it is reality TV. Who in their right mind would want to walk around looking like a human life preserver? For shame.

So Flavor Flav, if you read this(Which I know you won't) know that I will be looking at you with scornful eyes. Eyes full of fire and disappointment. And VH1, stick with 100 Greatest Songs of the 90's and get rid of Flavor Flav.

And P.S, be glad I didn't critique and lambaste Celebrity Rehab. I'm not even touching that.


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Flavor flav, you are the most ugligist man I ever seen.

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