Sunday, January 6, 2008

Reality TV Bites

Ok, so here is my situation:
Last Saturday, while watching my sister, who gets bored fast, I flipped on the TV in hopes of finding something half decent on. To my surprise(Scratch that, As I predicted) there was nothing to watch on TV. Finding something decent in this chaotic mess of writers on strike and channels fighting to keep their shows on the air. And how do we pay them back?
By creating annoying and fake reality shows.
The reality show was a revolutionary idea, which was given birth during the first writer's strike. However, when it comes down to class, reality TV must have been the result of a drunken one night stand in the backseat of a cheap, nacho cheese smelling car. And nine months later, once given birth to, reality TV seemed like a promising child. a child that would show human behavior at its finest, it would mirror life as we know it. The first, if you can remember or have read about, was The Real World, a show involving diverse people put into a house, living together. Needless to say, such a show appealed to a wide audience. In fact, season 2 involved one young man, Pedro, a gay, HIV+ guy who died not long after or before the season ended. and if Pedro had lived, he might just be appalled at the horrific sight of reality TV, as well as The Real World as a whole. The Real World now has become a racist, trashy show about totally uncharismatic people who you could smack upside the head without having to be asked.
And that's not all.
One of reality TV's most popular ideas has been the reality dating show. Blind Date, The Bachelor, Joe Millionaire, to name a few. And then there are others that are forgotten like a loud night and mass portions of alcohol(I'm looking at you, reality TV's mother), like The Littlest Groom, which appealed to...nobody.
Reality TV also is trying to be edgy when coming up with new bland material, so what is edgier then a show involving real live, actual gay men?! Gay men pretending to be straight to confuse the woman on the show, or vice versa, is quite an interesting concept. If by interesting you mean pointless and somewhat homophobic. Playing it Straight, is the only one that comes to mind. That and Boy Meets Boy. But I mean, let's face it, if you are going to create a reality show with gay men, they have to be Liza Minnelli worshiping, lisping fashionistas, or else, how can you tell they're gay? Hey, don't criticize me, this is what the networks are thinking. It kind of breaks my heart.
But gay men and my heart aside(But don't shove that too far I'll return to it), all of the reality shows I've mentioned so far cannot even hold a candle to what show was on that very night I just so happened to flip through channels.
A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.
If you are like any sensible person, you probably have no idea who the hell Tila Tequila is, and it won't help or hinder your life if you do or not. The point is she has her own reality show, and you don't. Only her show is different because she likes both guys...and girls! Whoa! And because of that, what better way to exploit your bisexuality then to star on a reality show?!
Seriously, watching this reduce my brains to cheese whiz. How vein and vapid do you have to be to get a reality show now? Tila isn't particularly attractive, she can't sing, she isn't an actress or a veteran of some TV show from the 80's-90's, so why is she famous enough to have a dating show? Just because she has a huge number of friends on Myspace? Really, is that it?! I'm missing Pushing Daisies for this?!
However, while watching this circus of missing dignity, I did manage to cop an enormous feel for these people. A feeling of pity, of sheer sorrow, and hate for that annoying Starletard Tila Tequila. Here she is talking people who have lives beyond the realm of complete stupidity, and then giving lap dances to their grandmothers. One girl had a family of mentally challenged people who like her were adopted by a caring young couple who love every creature and thinks everyone's special. And while it was schlocky, Tila was pretty much using the girl, and they were on a dating show. The girl who really loved Tila was booted off the next episode. Classy?
But what really gets my goat is the fact that when on a reality TV show, being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Trans gendered, Etc, that sole aspect about yourself makes you popular. Your sexuality is exploited to the point where you kind of feel ashamed for yourself and your personality. There is more to it then just faux lesbian tonsil hockey, and if people who subject themselves can't see it, then maybe they do deserve to watch such utter tripe if all they will do is look at people different then them as animals or creatures. Their brains have melted into oblivion already, why turn back now? What's the use?
On VH1, the other channel that has found their niche market in stupidity in lieu of actual music, was showing another reality show, of which everyone on it was unlikable and pathetic. And I apologize if you don't know/care about who the hell these people are, I just rant and report what I see, nothing I can do about it.
I Love New York.
For those same people who have lives, I will explain who New York is. New York,(Tiffany is her real name) was a contestant on Flavor of Love both seasons, where Flavor Flav rose back into/out of carrier suicide(Depends on who you ask) and looked for love. He is both annoying, and stupid, and ultimately embarrassing himself when going on dates with girls plucked fresh like chickens out of Trailer Homes. And Tiffany is remembered for the sole purpose of being annoying bitch who was a loud mouth drama queen that you both couldn't stand and couldn't help but notice her resemblance to Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. And if you haven't seen the show, believe me, she is catty. Plus, she has more make up on then a Joan Crawford impersonator and looks like a Muppet.
So here I am, looking at these annoying women and thinking to myself, "Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror without feeling the slightest ounce of shame? Here you are, acting like a gaudy annoyance while people are living lives they've earned. Doctors are saving lives, curing diseases, and here you are, gyrating on a pole at a Fire House, or spitting on another contestant or having an unintelligible screaming match full of beeps and hollers. Do you honestly want to be remembered as that one person who was booted off of that one show and made to look like an ass for people's entertainment? For being a has-been looking for a comeback?"
So, until this writer's strike is settled, I'll be crying in a corner, pondering the final moments of the last Pushing Daisies episode and hoping that when the hurly burly is done that I come out a better man, a man who doesn't pity himself or feel degraded in any way. But until then, I'll just have to witness such monstrous people controlling TV and wait and wonder when it'll end.
Not soon enough.

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