Sunday, July 13, 2008

Little Brains, Little Talent: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

To my Loyal Reader(s):
I apologize for my lack of posting for about a month, I wish I could give you a good excuse for my absence for a month, but alas, I can't. I've had plenty of things on my plate, I've been trying to write a book, which means I started writing, but had another brain fart and I'm working on something completely different. So, to make it up to you, I decided to start a series of posts about people who I particularly despise. Now, for a first candidate, you might have expected me to take on a particular bisexual leprechaun that has no talent, but I've gone on over kill and one more post about her, and it's Deer Hunter for me. No, I've got someone a whole lot worse to rag on. One friend of mine in the blogosphere, Stacey over at Webster's is my Bitch has countlessly talked about who I consider the Britney and Justin of the new millennium.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please turn your attention over to Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the reason why everyone hates America.

To those who don't go on the computer or watch TV, there is a show called The Hills, which I'm not 100% sure what its about other then the fact that the people on that show are vain and shallow and more popular then you are. And on this waste of airspace, we watch the lives of two especially annoying and shallow people, Heidi and Spencer, and observe them in their natural habitat. Judging by what I've seen on the internet, this dream couple have got to be the most boring people on the face of the planet. Seriously folks, the only people who really care about the antics of these two would be themselves. Heidi and Spencer, or Speidi as they're referred to, must think that the people watching their show care about them and worship, which is true for a large part. But for the other people in the universe who don't give two thoughts about them, it's better we ignore them than fuel the beast.

Remember when our celebrities did something? When Princess Di pitched in to help the world while Bono went to third world countries to fix the lives of the people who lived in suffering everyday? Now we have famous people who don't have to do anything to attract a crowd. Simply because they star on a third-rate TV show and they are young and beautiful, they must be the center of attention. Have you heard these two morons speak? Listening to Spencer Pratt talk about Heidi and his 'career' is almost like listening to a sea shell, we think we hear something, but it's just so self contained that we regard it for the wind. And Heidi, man oh man, how in the hell does this attention whore get so much god damn work?! Already she has a TV show, a Clothing line, and a recording deal. What next, her own amusement park where skinny bimbos yap about things that nobody in their right mind cares about.

Though the world might absolutely despise this couple, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. While proving themselves useless, Speidi is able to make a career out of something unintentional, their stupidity. Just hearing them talk you'd expect the wind up key in their backs to stop twirling and watch them collapse like wind up dolls. You only have to watch this brief clip to get a clear picture on how much of a douche Spencer Pratt is. How pathetic do you have to be that people pay you to go club? Holy mackerel, the guy is such a tool. And Heidi, please. stop. Does not want... It's no surprise that the lost soul is an avid McCain supporter.

When I look at such wastes of human life, I can only be reminded of Britney and Kevin, the football QB/cheerleader couple on the much loved on my behalf, under appreciated animated show, Daria. This couple is the butt of every joke. They are incredibly moronic kids who need to get their own lives, they don't do any of their homework, they can't think for more then a second. Hell, Britney in one episode thought that Henry David Thoreau was Henry Fonda and he went to Walden Pond to reconcile with his daughter, Jane Fonda. Coincidentally, the two are named Britney and Kevin, a dark foreboding and an ultimately true to life portrayal of the young and the brainless.

So Speidi, if you're reading this(If you can), don't take this as any hard feelings. Just go back to your uninteresting lives and return to your perfect little world where you belong. And don't come back.

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